Gundam Wing at the Movies!
by Evil Pixie
Summary: Various yaoi/shounen-ai bits, you have been warned. It's all quite disturbing, I have forced them out of character and they have responded in their little commity. QUINZE BASHING!
1. Sneezing dwarves, etcetc

Disclaimer: I do not own Gundam Wing, you silly people can't touch me!! I'll leave the country!! With the money!! MWAHAHAHAHAHA.... *cough*  
  
Introduction: Once upon a time, the cast of Gundam Wing sat around a table and discussed plans to make a movie. It went horribly wrong  
  
Author's Notes: If you read this I'll love you forever. I'm not kidding, not many peeps read my shit and I get so depressed -_- Than I eat sugar, get hyper and write stuff like this... say YES to cake  
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Gundam Wing At The Movies  
  
The monochrome numbers flash from 5 to 1 and the screen centres on a tropical jungle. Heero runs through the plant life, breathing hard and with beads of sweat developing on his head. The cameras follows Heero's sight as he looks behind him, and shows a burly figure relentlessly closing in on our perfect soldier. Not looking where he is going, Heero trips on a rock and lands flat on his face.  
The ape lumbers, balancing on its fists, and is about to crush our hero (play on words!) when....  
Relena: Aahh-arrrrr-ahahaha!!!!! *swinging on a vine and wearing animal skin 0_o*  
Relena takes the animal, at least twice the size of her, by the scruff of its neck and sternly tells it where to shove its violent tendencies towards her "baby", with monkey language.  
In "ooks".  
  
**  
Duo tugs at the screen and it rolls up, taking with it the film  
Duo: That's just plain /wrong/  
Hilde: *twizzles a pencil between 2 fingers* We need more ideas  
Heero:*looks paranoid* Can I /not/ be part of this?!  
Everyone: Yeah, mm *cough*  
Quatre: How about me?  
Duo turns his chair around and sits on it with straddled legs. He rests his head on his fist and looks upwards  
Duo: You know, that /might/ just work....  
**  
  
Trowa and Quatre walk into a graveyard. It's past midnight and not a sound can be heard nor a light be seen. Quatre is petrified but Trowa is persistant  
Trowa: Come on, Quatre  
Quatre: But it's dangerous, you should no better than this Trowa! I don't want to mess with the.. the..  
Trowa: Undead?  
Quatre: Shh!!  
Trowa: They won't hear you Quatre  
Trowa stops at a grave, all of its markings have disappeared with the course of time making it unidentifiable. He takes a heavy, leather bound book with a large padlock from his sack and thrusts it at Quatre  
Trowa: Unlock this  
Quatre: This isn't Christian, Trowa!  
Trowa stares intently at Quatre, fire licking in his eyes. The lock is opened hurriedly and the deadly book unleashed. Purple mists leak out as the usually silent boy recites the book's contents to the night. Slowly a figure rises from the tombstone, in the shape of the late..  
Dorothy?!  
  
**  
Trowa slams down his notes as he stands. His face is as dark as the one on the film beside him, he is not happy  
Dorothy: *buries head in hands* Whatever...  
Trowa: Isn't this a little out of character?!  
Relena: You think /you/ were out of character?  
WuFei: For Nataku's sake, onna! We all know the kind of thing you wear to please Heero!  
There is a rush of various sounds from around the table, the loudest being WuFei and Relena arguing, Quatre innocently mumbling "I don't know, what are you talking about?" and finally a gun click from the direction of Mr. Yuy.  
Everyone shuts up and sits down  
Heero: Let's have something that's in character. We'll all be in it, Duo can be the baka and WuFei can argue with... Hilde!  
Everyone: *fearfully mumbling* Ok... sure  
Hilde: *sarcastic* Oh goody, my boyfriends a dickhead and I get to argue with a sexist bastard, what film are we using anyway?!  
**  
  
Hilde wears a blue, yellow, red and white dress, somehow the colours look good on her. She runs from the woods into a small cottage which just happens to be open. Scared and confused she runs up the staircase, everything in their looks like it's made for... little people...  
She reaches the master bedroom, well, the only bedroom. Which is worrying since there were so many brooms downstairs. Either interesting video opportunities are ahead or someone likes cleaning a lot. She opens the door and it creaks a little, inside are seven little beds. She looks at a couple of the names Dopey, Grumpy, where's the cocaine? While she was checking out the names carved at the end of each bed a line of dwarves came in through the door.  
Duo: (guess who /he/ is) WhO aRe YoU?  
WuFei: Injustice!!! An intruder!!  
Quatre: *sneezes* Don't hurt me!  
Heero: Are you from the castle? Is being a dwarf "in" right now? I'm worried that I may be becoming passé  
Trowa: ... hmm...  
Treize: Why should we waste lives like this..  
  
**  
There is now complete uproar in the Conference Room  
Heero: I am /not/ gay!! ... I think *looks at Duo*  
Duo: I want that outfit in black! Grey is not my colour!  
Treize: What the fuck is going on?! Look at me! I have my knees in my shoes to make me look smaller! I /shuffled/ into my scene!!  
Zechs: Notice that we interrupted this before my part. Being the tallest person in this room, I also had to crouch!  
WuFei: That's a stereotype! Injustice!!... *bangs head on table* bugger  
Trowa: ... hmm...  
Quatre: Wha-?! Did you see how much stuff I knocked over when I sneezed?!  
Treize: Geez Zechs, you look even more stupid than I do!  
Everyone: *Shuts up, looks at each other* Who created this anyway?!  
  
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That would be me ^.^ Your resident insane author, if you think it's funny, or hate it, or I know you in that nightmarish world called "real life" JUST REVIEW. Reviewer #5 gets a prize! Then I'll put up more 


	2. WuFeeeeei in a dre-ess!

Disclaimer:   
My problem is that  
I do not own Gundam Wing  
Instead about money  
I am forced to sing  
  
Some peeps made The Matrix  
And it was really cool  
But I can't get real dough  
Till I finish school  
  
The Wizard of Oz  
Was pretty flash  
But you can't sue me  
For I have no cash  
  
I really can't stand Bambi  
But I sure don't own it  
So this is my disclaimer  
Don't bother suing my shit!  
-------------------------------  
Introduction: Sorry I swear so much, it's a little problem I have. Thank you so much for the response to the last chapter. You've given me the strength to write again! If you do come here, check out my profile pic, I'm very proud! Anyways, please review. I'd like to give a big up to:  
Zilduar  
Virgin Blood  
BlueAngle  
I am eternally grateful and will read as many of your fics as possible in my free time *bows* let my insanity begin!  
____________________________________  
They're still in their seats, giving each other deathglares (Relena's just squinting badly) It'd take some sort of Superman to sort this lot out.  
The door to the room opens,  
Oh dear...  
Quinze: It's meee!  
Everyone: *groans*  
WuFei: Can you just /go away/ please?   
Quinze: I.. I never knew that I was so unwanted!  
Noin: *escorts Quinze out of the room* Only people named after numbers below 10 are allowed in here  
Treize: Oh yeah! Thanks! *added sarcasm*  
Duo: Aren't you supposed to be dead?!  
Treize: Err... Um...-  
Hilde: Let's get on with the next film idea!  
Heero: We need something a little more... sober  
Duo: But with action!  
Hilde: And decent outfits!!  
The screen is rolled down...  
**  
  
The group enter the abandoned warehouse, they are determined to solve the mystery at any cost. Heero carries the lead, close behind him are Duo and Lady Une, Quatre, Dorothy, Trowa and WuFei have tagged along for the ride.  
Duo: I'm boooooored!!!  
Heero: Shut up. baka! They'll hear you!  
Duo: Who?  
From all around the room come the hired hitmen of the mastermind with weapons at the ready. They begin to circle our hapless good-guys.  
Quatre: *elbows stuck to hips, arms folding out sideways, head tilted back, running* Aggghhhhhhh!!!!!!! *smacks into wall and falls over*  
Trowa: You killed Quatre!  
Relena: You bastards!  
Both are easily struck down because of their lack of attention  
Lady Une: *is defending herself well* Hai-yah! *kicks a man in the stomach, knocking him to the ground*  
Another hitman: Take this! *knocks off Lady Une's glasses*  
Lady Une: No, we must not fight at a time like this! *gets struck down*  
Heero: Omae o korosu, scum!  
Heero turns on the hitmens leader, jumping into the air. As a mid-flight still, the camera pans around him. Just before it reaches its starting place, Heero falls to the ground.  
Heero: Damn you, cheap special effects!!! *gets beaten to a pulp*  
Duo: I guess its just me and you now, Wu'man *pats him on the back*  
  
**  
WuFei: NooOoOo!!!!!  
Relena: I do not endorse "South Park"!  
Trowa: Hmm....  
Quatre: That's not nice! *crys*  
Dorothy: Where did I go??  
Heero: What do you think /you/ are doing here?  
Relena: I could say the same  
Everyone begins to squint again  
Duo: So we need another movie?  
WuFei: This time, I want a big part  
Duo: *starts to laugh manicly* I've got just the right idea!  
**  
  
The sun is setting low in the sky as WuFei walks happily down a yellow brick road. His little black pigtail has been brought back into two bunches and there are flustered touches of rouge on his cheeks. He looks like a frightened rabbit, scared and fragile, as he half-skips down the path. Not even sure of where he's going with his faithful Nataku beside him.  
WuFei: Aghhhhh!!!!!  
WuFei lets out a high-pitched scream as a gundam runs out of the bushes to attack him!... No, it's just Duo dressed up as a tin man  
Duo: *singing* Are you lo-ost, little giiirl?  
Trowa comes over the hill, dressed as a friendly lion. So friendly that his costume is mainly pink  
Trowa: *turns to camera* It was a bleach acccident! *cough* Little Dor-othy, I have lost my couuurage!  
Relena pops out of nowhere as a wild and scraggly scarecrow. Her normally neat hair has been ~carefully~ gelled and sprayed into a style Vegeta would be proud of  
Relena: I liiike your sho-oes! *jumps suddenly* Agh! What's that?!  
A horde of winged monkeys have crept up on our cast and one is strangling Relena  
Heero: Haaahahaaa!! *continues to strangle her*  
Relena: This is all *choke* Quinzes *coughcough* fault!!  
The others jump at the mention of Quinze  
WuFei: Don't tell me, Wicked Witch, right?  
  
**  
Trowa: I don't think that would work..  
Everyone: 0_0  
WuFei has run to the back of the room and is holding on tightly to Sally's arm in the dark. He is rocking back and forward, shivering  
WuFei: You're /my/ friend! My friend! You won't do things like that... *whispers* you're my friend *starts to cry*  
Relena: I think we would have to do something about my make-up..  
Heero: What? Like kill them?  
Duo: That's rich from the guy dressed as a monkey strangling his girlfriend  
Heero: *mumbling* Everyone has their turn-ons..  
Hilde: You sir, are /twisted/  
Sally: Wait a minute? How did Quinze get there??  
Quatre: Hmm.. I don't know. Let's try another, we need a main role. WuFei?  
WuFei: *gibbers*  
**  
  
Relena: Flower! Pretty flower!  
Duo: *rolls on the ground* No, no! He's not a flower! He's a-  
Treize: That's alright, he can call me a flower if he /wants/ to  
It's a peaceful day in the forest and Bambi is playing with his new-found friends. Everyone and everything is happy and peaceful, the birds are singing, the flowers are blooming and there is an overall feeling of well being.  
Then the hunter comes  
Quatre: Now /this/ is out of character *shoots a couple of pheasants*  
Zechs: Bambi! We must run for the river, it's not safe out here!  
Relena: But my mother!  
Noin lies on the floor dead  
Duo: *thumps foot on ground* They call me Thumper! *gunshot*  
  
**  
Duo: WHAT!!??  
Noin: I've just seen an image of myself dead, I am not happy  
WuFei: *giggles darkly*  
Treize: I am a sku-  
Relena: Flower! You don't say words like that!  
Duo: Look, we'll have to keep going until we have something that we all agree with, right?  
Everyone: *monotonous* Right..  
_________________________________  
Please remember that these are my /artistic interpretations/ of the movies. I'm some wacked out artist! If you have the decency and human (or other) kindness to review, you are in with the chance of a prize. This time it'll go to the person who's name I like best ^-^ I'm still trying to get in contact with "BlueAngle" Anyhow, what /am/ I on?? 


	3. Trowa can't act and I blame drugs

Disclaimer: Well, I'd like to get paid for this but I have to babysit instead.  
Bugger  
*weeps* Don't sue me!!! I can't take it any more, I want Gundam!!  
___________________________  
Introduction: Erm.. Lady Maxwell gets a prize in this, you'll have to tell me if it was a good idea or not. It's hard to get these done (I don't write chapters in advance, I like fresh fanfiction) Has anyone seen those really funny Frijj adverts? "How can something so tasty be so thick?" It's hilarious. One bottle sings "I know a song that'll get on your nerves" for ages and the other says "no you don't". Classic.  
Here's a poem I did on the Temple of Yamato (www.crosswinds.net/~mattishida)  
#######  
The 30 foot ants Bringer   
  
It flies on lovely midnight-wrought wings   
Its ass a bonking pool of death.   
Why? Why? Why does it masturbate me so?  
I see it stare with its dead earlobe. Sometimes   
I think it may be an angel. But what   
Angel could have such a dark toe?   
I hardly dare to pee myself.   
  
Crapmon.   
  
It craps me.   
It craaaaaaaps me.   
#######  
My brother helped with some of the words ¬_¬  
____________________________  
Duo: OK.. so we're having some problems..  
Hilde: Some?! *gets out frying pan*  
Duo: Eeep!  
The door opens and a young woman with short black hair enters  
Lady Maxwell: Hi guys, I'm gonna join you for this chapter, head office said you'd been having problems and.. well their getting pissed off, basically. You only have so much of a budget  
WuFei: *growl* What's your name, onna  
Lady Maxwell: *glares* Shinimegami, to you  
Duo: REALLY?! ¦0¦_0 ooOO (3) (A/N: Pure genius!! If you don't get it, it's supposed to be Duo's thought bubbles)  
Lady Maxwell: *sits next to Duo* Yeah *flutters eyelashes* and you would be the Great Shinigami?  
WuFei: ;;;¬_¬   
Hilde: *whacks Duo over the head with the frying pan* On with the movie!!  
Everyone looks at Duo expectantly but he is too busy talking to "Shinimegami" to notice.  
WuFei: Oh we will make him pay...  
**  
  
//Dude, dude//  
//Dude looks like a lady!//  
Duo walks up the hill towards what used to be his home. He has had to perm his hair (A/N: Yeah, everybody use their imagination here.. My friend's brother thinks Taichi Kamiya has an afro 0_o) and wear an extreme amount of peacock blue eyeshadow, in order to look like.. an old woman.  
In his long and frilly floral dress, he knocks at the door of the large terraced house. His ex-wife Shinimegami opens the door, with her stand their 3 children. The oldest is Relena, then there is their overly-argumentative WuFei and finally little Hilde.  
Duo: */awful/ Scottish accent* Why! Hiloo ma deairys!  
Family: *sweatdrop* Hi, Mrs. Doubtfire, please come in!  
Heero: Hi, I'm Shinimegami's new boyfriend. Pleased to meet you!  
Duo: *mumbling* My Gundanium parts, my name and now my wife *growl* *cough* Hello, Heero!  
Everbody: How do you know his name??  
Duo: Err..  
  
**  
Somewhere amidst the chaos, Duo came into conciousness.  
Duo: *raises eyebrow* Do ya wanna know why they call me the Shinigami?  
Noin: Duo, no one /does/  
Zechs: Apart from fangirls  
Lady Maxwell: *raises hand* ^-^ I was married to the Shinigami!  
Duo: *holds up peace sign* Yeah!.. Wait a minute, I need to beat the shit out of WuFei!! *lunges for Mr. Sexist*  
WuFei: *takes out kantana* You think you can beat me, Maxwell? *lunges for Mr. Sexy*  
Relena + Quatre: Stop!  
Dorothy + Heero: No, continue!  
Trowa: ...Fight in a movie..  
Everyone: *stops* That's a good idea ^-^  
**  
  
The wind blows the tall and graceful bamboo canes silently, 2 shapes can be seen.  
One of them looks like they're going to fall off any second.  
That would be  
Duo: How the hell do you stay on these?!  
WuFei: Kisama! Victory will be mine!  
Duo: Oh shit-  
Duo is suddenly whisked away by Shinimegami and WuFei clutches his head in his hands.  
WuFei: Wahhhh!!!!!! I'll never kill that baka!!!!!!!!!  
Duo: ¬_¬ At least you don't always have to play the woman, my perfect image is ruined!  
WuFei: I look better bald  
Duo: Hmm, you do. Does that mean you like my hair, then?  
WuFei: Yeah, you know? It's pretty cool  
Duo: Geez. Thanks, Wu'man! Can I call you that  
WuFei: If you like..  
The 2 enemies land on the ground and walk into the sunset, arm in arm  
Lady Maxwell: This sucks!! What the-  
  
**  
Lady Maxwell: -Deathscythe HELL just happened?!  
Duo and WuFei are busy gazing into each others eyes, mumbling things about hair products  
Hilde: *takes the chair next to Shinimegami that Duo has just vacated* Looks like we're in the same boat  
Lady Maxwell + Hilde: -_- Bugger   
Quatre: Okies, let's try another. That would just depress everyone else  
Everyone Else: Yeah! We didn't get parts!! *weepweep*  
Quatre + Trowa: ;;¬_¬ Now we're in charge!  
**  
  
Catherine: Long.. live.. the.. KING!  
As Catherine (in a lion costume) lets go of Trowa's paws, he falls (also in a lion costume) into the rampaging herde of wildebeast (extras, lots of costumes)  
Quatre: Father! Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!!!!!  
Quatre (kawaii lil' costume here) leaps down the rocky side of the gorge and dodges the remaining running animals until, shouting his name, he finds his father.  
Quatre: Dad? Dad! Wake up, dad!  
Trowa: *starts giggling* hehe, I'm dead!  
Catherine jumps suddenly into the scene and creeps up on the weeping Quatre, desperately trying to ignore Trowa's atrocious acting.  
Catherine: He's dead Quatre-  
Trowa starts to laugh out loud  
Catherine: And it /was/ your fault  
Quatre: What am I gonna do?  
Catherine: Run, Quatre, run far, far away and never return!  
Quatre runs far, far away  
Catherine: *tapping her fingers together darkly* Mwahahaha, now Trowa is /mine/  
::Far, far away::  
Lady Maxwell: I'm Timon!  
Duo: And I'm Pumba! What's your name?  
  
**  
Snapping out of a romantic daydream concerning WuFei, Duo watches the last of the movie  
Duo: Why am I a farting pig?  
Catherine: I can't believe we trusted you with a film! Both of you are completely drugged up!  
Quatre: True, true  
Lady Une: And Trowa's acting was awful! He didn't even have many parts, all he had to do was play dead!  
Trowa: ...*giggles*...  
Lady Maxwell: *sarcastic* Well that was fun, I'm gonna have to speak to the author about this!  
Everyone: 0_0 Author?!  
Heero: *rolls up sleaves* Someone is going to get it  
Relena: He's so masculine *swoons*  
Lady Maxwell: Um.. Errr.. Bai! *scoots*  
__________________________________  
I'm weird and you're great. I'm really happy with the response I've got for this ^-^ Does anyone else want a prize? You'll have to email me MWAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!   
Next chapter: Jurassic Park, Mulan and ????? I need help! (see profile picture) 


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